Lessons Learned From Scripture While Saying Goodbye To My Dad

By Angie Pfleiderer

It’s been four months since my father’s battle with melanoma came to an end.  We were blessed to have him live seven additional months past his prognosis; but we knew the end was coming.  Each day he lived felt like a treasured gift from God.  But those last fourteen days – they were hard!  Never before had such a vast amount of emotions passed through my heart and mind.  And never before had I depended on the strength of Christ to get me through each passing hour like I did in those final hours of my father’s life.  I could not face what I had to face, I could not do what I needed to do, I could not be what I needed to be.  But when I called on the name of Christ, He (living inside of me) became my strength. When Dad’s health took a drastic turn for the worse, Philippians 4:13 became so much more than a memorized verse.  It was my lifeline.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)  As I watched my father’s physical body weaken and decline, I noticed the presence of his spirit strengthen.  In the quiet hours of the night, Jesus showed Himself and taught me some valuable lessons.  

Lesson One – Jesus created us, loves us, and desires a relationship with us.  We are each knit together in our mother’s wombs by the Almighty Creator.  He loves us so and He wants to know us intimately (Psalm 139).  It doesn’t matter what great things you’ve accomplished, what treasures you’ve collected on your earthly journey, or even how many people love and treasure you.  In the end, it comes down to only this, “Do you know Jesus and of most importance, does He know you?” (Matthew 7:23)

Lesson Two – up to the moment of death, what you take in matters.  Dad was a Navy Veteran who served in the Vietnam War.  One of his favorite TV shows was, “M.A.S.H.”  When Dad could no longer see or communicate, we began to play episodes of this favorite show on his bedside television.  The results?  Dad began to unconsciously salute.  At first this seemed endearing, but there was agitation in his movements.  We began to stream County/Bluegrass Gospel music instead.  The results?  Instant and perfect peace.  After one day of the music playing, we turned it off while preparing for bed and Dad began to blink to request we keep the music playing.  Songs of praise were comforting his soul.  What we hear and allow into our minds really does matters.  And He said to them, “Pay attention to what you hear…” (Mark 4:24)

Lesson Three – love well.  To be honest, throughout his life Dad didn’t always love well.  He was a flawed human who did not know Christ as his Savior until January 2020. Sadly, his childhood offered him very few examples of love.  Dad’s philosophy was to speak your mind whether it was kind or not.  Often, it was not.  But, the gift of those extra seven months brought out a different side of Dad.  Perhaps that’s why it seemed like such a gift?  Dad began to freely express his love to his family, friends, neighbors, and caregivers.  He began to apologize when he was rude and testy.  Words like “thank you,” “I appreciate you,” and “I love you,” began to flow from him daily.  New memories replaced old hurts.  Childhood stories from both my Dad’s life and my own were fondly discussed and there was a new sense of both understanding and forgiveness covering past wounds.  1 Corinthians 13:13 says, Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

Lesson Four – good intentions are not enough; be intentional.  Not everyone received healing from Dad in the same way I did.  Some relationships didn’t get mended and some mistakes were not forgiven.  Unfortunately, you can’t make people visit.  So, sadly, many misunderstandings continue to be misunderstood.  Matthew 5:23-24 says, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that you brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go.  First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.  Fellow brothers and sisters, you may have the greatest of intentions to heal past wounds, to offer reconciliation, to say that you are sorry, to express healing words to your loved ones, but if you do not actually do it – it’s of no use!  You must be intentional!  None of us know the hour of our death.  We are not all blessed with seven bonus months.  So….go do it!  Say it.  Reconcile.  Forgive.  Tell the people in your life that you love them.  Tell them what you know they need to receive from you while you are still able.  Life is fleeting, like a passing mist.  It is like trying to catch hold of a breath; all vanishes like a vapor… Ecclesiastes 1:2-4 (The Voice).  I know it’s hard.  But that brings us right back to the beginning point – You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!